Dear Business Blog,
I know this isn’t the best time to talk about this, but when is, really? This isn’t easy to say, but, Business Blog, I think we need to break up.
Seriously, though, it’s not you, it’s me. I can’t take you treating me like I have the attention span of a gnat just because you think that I’m only going to stay on your page for a few seconds.
Look, if you weren’t the one for me, I would have known right away, and I would have just left your page immediately. The thing is, though, that you promised me something in your headline, something that I was really looking forward to reading about, but you never followed through on that promise.
Contrary to popular opinion, I’m quite intelligent. I’m not reading your blog so that I can waste a few seconds in between looking at pictures of cats. I’m actually genuinely interested in you. I know that when you first meet someone it can be hard to be sincere, that you would rather show your cheeky, fun side, but what I wanted to know was about the real you. And I sure didn’t need any gifs to help me figure you out.
The jokes are cute, granted, and I know that you must have some kind of substance deep down inside, but if you’re so afraid to show it to me that the only thing you can tell me about is 5 Mind-Blowing Something Somethings, then there’s no way we’re going to spend much time together – and we’re certainly not going to get to know each other in a meaningful way.
Sure, I’ll check you out. Who doesn’t love a bit of eye candy? And one-page stands are what they are, I suppose, but I’m looking for a little something more out of a relationship with a business blog right now.
I should have told you this sooner, I know, but what I really need is something that speaks to my needs. I need for you to show me that you’re more than just pictures of Data from Star Trek and some cute kitties.
Not that I don’t love that stuff – it’s just that I need more.
I mean, I haven’t even had a chance to really get a good look at your lovely banner ads. I’m sure they’re great, but I’m just not going to stick around for long enough to pay attention to them, quite frankly.
I don’t have a short attention span because I’m on the Internet. I have a short attention span because your content is boring.
I need you to tell me why I would spend time with you past just this one page. I need for you to give me a reason to invest in you and to give you the time and effort necessary to build a real relationship. I need you to show me what you’ve got that makes being in this relationship with you worthwhile to me, and to show me how much better my life is going to be with you.
I need you to show me that I can’t live without you.
But you haven’t done that, Business Blog. You thought that your toothy grin and come-hither looks would be enough to seal the deal, but I need someone with a heart and a mind – someone that really gets me excited about spending time with them.
I guess I’m being honest now because I’m hoping that you’ll be able to take something from this, and when the next one comes along you’ll know what to do to build a real relationship.
Please, Business Blog, stop treating the people you want to build relationships with as people who can’t see past the superficial. Give us a reason to love you.
All the best,