Top 5 Ways Celebrities Travel Better Than You

People do love celebrities, don’t they? Without us they would be leading exactly the same sort of dreary existence that we do, what with all our 9-5 + overtime, cooking, cleaning, and driving ourselves from one place to another. They’d have to back to the kind of real-life existence that they’re paid so well to portray so that we can all marvel at how shitty that existence actually is, and then talk about it on blogs. So many opinions!

When you’re a celebrity with more money than the GDP of Moldova, you can afford to travel differently than the average person. You can do all kinds of things that the regular folk will never be allowed to do, and I suppose that this is what makes all the many minutes of hard work that go into acting in movies and TV worthwhile for them. Here’s how celebrities differ from you while they’re traveling, and one thing that might make you feel a little bit better about yourself.

They mess up other people’s travel plans

Sure, he’s the president of the United States and is known as the most powerful man in the world, but does he really have to screw up everyone’s travel plans when he needs a little time off from cultivating more grey hair?

A couple of months ago, President Obama wrecked the vacations of, literally, several remarkably wealthy — and whiney — people who own property in the Hamptons. Because he was going to be in Westchester County, a no-fly zone was enforced at the end of August across much of New York, leaving a bunch of wealthy Wall-Street types with no airport to fly into to enjoy all the “cheddar” (is that still the popular term with the kids?) that they made defrauding people like you of their hard-earned money.

Instead of being able to fly in, they were forced to sit in posh luxury cars for two whole hours to make the trek from their exclusive Manhattan apartments in order to reach their second homes — the ones that they own that are bigger than yours, are on beachfront property, and only get used a few weeks of each year.

Infuriating. Thanks, Obama.

They take working vacations

When you and I travel for work we sit in meetings with people who we don’t really want to talk to and pretend to take notes while doodling our best attempts at something approximating a picture. The best you might be able to do while traveling for work is to discover the history of sexual impropriety of the guy at the end of the bar in the basement of the hotel that you’re staying at, and then learning from the front desk clerk that, historically, the elevator doesn’t work much of the time. So, you’ve got that going for you, which is nice.

celebrity-working-vacationCelebrities, on the other hand, seem to have all kinds of time to get out and enjoy the sites while they’re working. Contrast this image of Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen enjoying some glasses of beer in a New York pub with the memory of your last business trip. Oh, sure, they’re working hard to be in the 1,445,567th version of Waiting for Godot, but they have the means to demand more time off than you and I will ever get, and to do pretty much whateverfuck they want. And they do.

They get to go places you don’t

Sure, you have access to all kinds of beautiful parts of the world, but what does it matter if you know that there are places in the world that you’ll never be able to see because you’re not a rich celebrity?

Oh, good, the Grand Canyon. Lovely. Oh, look how it goes on for so long and everyone else is there looking at it because everyone in the world is allowed to go there to see it.

But Necker Island? It exists. And you’ll never go there. How about Mustique Island? Can you spend $23,346 a day on your vacation? No? Well, screw you, taxpayer.

It is, though, within the grasp of those who have a little more money than most of us and want to get the kind of experience that celebrities get without having to stand on red carpets for 80% of their waking hours. You could rent a villa in St. Barts, for example, for a very reasonable $1,428 $7,857 a day. Oh, yes, food and drinks are extra, so budget accordingly.

They look better than you when they travel

Where all the sweatpants at?
Where all the sweatpants at?

There is not much that needs to be said here. They look better than the rest of us at the best of times, which is why they’re famous, one supposes, so no surprise here.

Still, though, it’s nice that they’re sensible about it, even while they’re wearing several thousand dollars more in clothing in these pictures than most people make in a month after getting paid by all three of their jobs.

They’re not as different from you as you’d hope

At the end of the day, celebrities are just people. They’re people who get to have nicer things than you do and get to do and see things that you will only ever dream of and read about on some weirdo’s blog, but people, nevertheless.

How do we know they’re regular people just like you and I? We have the documentation to prove it. Thankfully, there are people out there on the front lines of this battle documenting the lives of the people that you wish you could be like, but probably won’t ever be because you’re spending your time reading about them instead of actually doing the sort of thing that could contribute to an astronomically high income and A-list status.


We get to see them eating sandwiches in bikinis, we see them riding their bicycles while talking on their cell phones completely ignoring their own safety and that of those around them (because fuck you, I’m a celebrity, that’s why), and we can rest in the knowledge that celebrities are as likely to leave the house in sweatpants as that annoying university student in the apartment across the hall from you that you’re pretty sure steals your newspaper every morning and is most likely responsible for the dried vomit in the flower pot outside the entrance to the building.

I, for one, am grateful for those brave men and women who are out there taking pictures of celebrities being regular people in the world. Without them, I have no idea how I would be able to sleep at night.

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